It’s hard to talk about one without the other here. I was first misdiagnosed with clinical depression in February of 2017. Then later in March of 2017 I was rediagnosed with major depression with psychotic features. And finally schizoaffective disorder in April of 2017. Schizoaffective disorder is a combination of schizophrenia and a mood disorder whether that be major depression or bipolar disorder.
I first started feeling depressed when I was a sophomore in college in 2015. I would cry from sadness without really knowing why I felt so sad. As time went on I lost interest in school and my activities. I also was losing motivation to do homework or take care of my personal hygiene. My suicidal thoughts lead to my diagnosis and my break from school in 2017.
Depression was like drowning to me. I was fighting hard to stay afloat but eventually fighting just became to hard. And then I was sinking. I would cry every day and not know why. I felt like I was a prisoner in my own body.
When my depression worsened I believe it caused my schizoaffective symptoms to become more intense. I had a voice telling me to hurt myself. I was afraid I would act on these thoughts. I also had the delusion that people were spying on me and that my thoughts were being broadcasted. I also believed that people were out to get me and chasing me all the time. High levels of paranoia are also part of my schizoaffective symptoms.
Schizoaffective disorder is hard to deal with at times. I never really knew when things were real or not. It became hard to fight this battle as well. I was scared all the time. Thinking that people are out to get you is not easy to cope with. That’s my experience with depression and schizoaffective disorder.