I have been diagnosed with quite a few anxiety disorders, among them, social anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and panic disorder. I feel an excessive amount of anxiety everyday over the simplest of tasks. I have tried anti-anxiety medication and it has helped bring down my anxiety for a little while but it always comes back. It even makes it difficult to write here on my blog. My anxiety makes me feel less motivated and lose interest in things that I know I can not control.
The most brutal panic attack happened while I was hospitalized for my mental illness. But usually panic attacks make me feel like I can’t breath and like my heart is going to pound out of my chest. I sweat and sometimes cry because I feel awful and like I might die. They usually come out of nowhere. I feel exhausted and drained after a panic attack.
With my OCD it’s mostly intrusive thoughts that get me. Thoughts that harm will come to me or my family. Or worse that I’ll be the one to cause harm to others. Sometimes I’ll get thoughts that something is contaminated and I won’t be able to touch or eat it because I think it’ll make me sick or even worse. I count numbers over and over in my head when I feel like my thoughts are being broadcasted which is a symptom of my schizoaffective disorder. I also check things, like door locks and the space around my body before I leave a place.
Social anxiety disorder also is a big part of my life. I have a paranoid fear of people sometimes. I get nervous around strangers and new people. I fear being in big crowds alone. This paranoia could too be explained by my dual diagnosis of having schizoaffective with anxiety disorders. I have trouble keeping eye contact with those who I don’t know well and sometimes even with people I’ve known forever. I get anxious before talking with others or speaking out loud as well. That’s my experience with anxiety.